So it’s the night before the big day, tomorrow is potentially the start of a new pain free life for me, as expected I’m full of anticipation and anxious. I’ve had this treatment 4 times previous to tomorrow, so I am well aware and of what is involved and what to expect however my stomach is still full of butterflies and my head exploding with self doubt, mainly the concern that this may not work and where do I go from there, am I cursed to live with this completely debilitating disease, therefore crushing my expectations for the future, although I am trying to not get excited and hopeful, especially after the unsuccessful surgery to be faced with disappointment, and of course what then? So tomorrow morning I will be receiving 4 guided nerve block injections, a rather painful process. The consultant uses a machine very similar to an ultra sound scan to locate the nerves in my lover abdomen top of the pelvis, a concoction of steroids and cortisone is then injected into the area to block the nerves delivering pain signals to the brain, so although the pain may still continue because the brain can’t receive the message the body doesn’t react. Over the past 12 years I have had 5 laparoscopies and 4 lots of these injections, the first 3 laparoscopies were shortly followed by the nerve block injections or they took place just before, my 4th and 5th laparoscopies were both unsuccessful and these 2 operations did not have injections before or after, so the question remains was it ever the surgery that worked? or was it in fact the injections all along? and the assumption was always made that the surgery worked its magic, I can only hope that this works even if it eases the pain slightly I would be so thankful, tomorrow is a big day and I will of course be reporting I hope a success story.
So it’s been a while since I’ve written,
Basically it’s been one hell of a rollercoaster of emotions and much more. So I recently had my 5th laparoscopic filled with all the hope in the world that I would be miraculously cured and would be fit and well, how wrong I was….. so after the surgery I was still ill I put this down to my brain making it up because I was still on a cocktail of medication, so I decided with the help of my local gp to do a full detox, the worst two weeks of my life full of horrendous withdrawals but I pushed through, after the detox I still began to get iller and iller confused I returned back to the doctors who said it was likely cramping from the surgery and detox and would pass. Three weeks after surgery I had a horrendous outburst of pain, the surgery hadn’t worked the pain returned and was worse than ever. My whole life felt like it had crumbled I had put all my hopes into this surgery and I was of course devastated. Over the next few weeks i fell deeper and deeper into a black whole of depression anxiety and self loathing. I took a major overdose because I couldn’t cope, I couldn’t handle the fact that this was going to be my life from now on. I then had a very eye opening meeting with the fantastic endometriosis nurse Liz, and the light in this tunnel of darkness finally started to flicker and the realisation that my life didn’t have to end, I didn’t have to hide away, it just meant things will be harder and I would have my good days and bad days, therefore the few good days I do have I have to live to the very fullest. So during my discussion I realised that I had to accept where I want to be on the wellbeing scale and where I could realistically get to, where in fact to very different places. I realised that my illness is not something I have any control over and therefore beating myself up and torturing my self about being useless or worthless isn’t going to help or make me better, in fact rather the opposite stressing over such trivial things would only make me worse. I realised that the way I wanted to live my life wasn’t achievable anymore but I can find another way. I wasn’t going to let my illness define who I am or what or where I want to be, it’s taken me 10 years to get to this light bulb moment, so my message in this post today is don’t let your illness define you or control your future. Stay strong all.
The treatment commences, recently I have had the chance to under go several therapies for the cure or relief of pain release, these include.
1. Aloe Vera gel
2. Healing endometriosis naturally
5. Pain injections
7. Tens machine
8. Wheat free diet
9. Mindfulness for healing
During my trial of each one I plan to report back to the blog over the process. The hope that one of these procedures will be successful in order to fined relief or a cure I will be able to report direct back to the blog in hope that another suffer my find solace and help from my investigations and experiments.
Today was treatment 1. Acupuncture, not an invasive procedure at all. 10 tiny needles were placed at the base of my back. The sensation during the next 15 minutes was incredible my sharp stabbing pain slowly turned into a wave of pain rushing through my lower abdominal, rather than a sharp cringe that was causing me to double over for the duration of the day. I finely found a calming in my body, for the first time in 9 years I was able to fully relax and actually deal with my pain easily. The procedure lasted 15 minutes and every 5 the needles were flicked and twisted. I didn’t want the sensation to stop or the needles to be taken out.
Shortly after i came out and felt the pain return to its normal stabbing agony and I could of cried I really wanted it to start all over again. As the day progressed me pain came and went as it would any normal day sometimes attacking me worse. I was informed pain symptoms can become worse on the first session and the back can become bruised.
So in conclusion
so far accupunter has my thumbs up just wish the they didn’t have to take the needles out 😅 we shall see how the next sessions come out, keep following for more details on potential ways to relieve and cure the Black Plague of endometriosis.
4:30am I awaken to the sharp pain striking again, a burning sensation that pulls in my stomach, as it inflates due to the bloating and my pyjamas become tight and I have to pull them down to my hips to allow my stomach to inflate. I squint to try and agust my eyes to the dark winter night. I roll over and groan and the pain becomes more intense, I collect my selection of drugs from my drug bag and select several coloured tablets and swallow them all with a slug of water. I roll back onto my back and crunch my body in and groan with the pain as it increases. I rock and thrive in pain trying to find a slightly comfortable position, as the tears escape my eyes and stain my pale ghost like complexion. After the longest 30 minutes of my life I feel the oramorph begin to travel through my body easing the pain and I gasp in relief. The pain eases but now comes the side effects I’m wide awake with no hope of sleeping I turn to my phone to find comfort in a book I’d purchased, in an attempt to take my mind of the ongoing pain still striking through the medication at times. The drugs help but cause a zombie like state unable to rest or sleep as it sharpens my already overactive mind, but causes dopey and forgetfulness and unable to move my aching body it lies in its usual pit. This is not an unusual state I find myself in this sometime daily occurrence, aware that the pain could last an hour a day a week, I try my best to remain calms and relaxed, usually an unsuccessful attempt on my behalf but I try. Time passes slowly and eventually my mother calls aware I’d not communicated all morning she sensed something was wrong. It being a Sunday this meant a trip to the locum Doctor. Unfortunately not all doctors are as informed as my brilliant GP some doctors are uneducated on endometriosis and therefore pump you full of more medication and send you off after a 6+ hour wait to keep you quiet for a few hours. Thankfully the doctor prescribed some medication rather than inject me full of strong medication, that sends you crazy, dopey, unable to communicate or have control of your body. Back home the pain stings unable to move of the sofa doubled up in pain, and the cycle continues. The reason for my blog is I am about to embark on an experiment to cure my endometriosis through herbal medicines, mindfulness and aloe Vera gel. Should that fail I will take you through the steps of a medical cure a laparoscopy and Botox injections into my pelvic floor. So stay tuned to follow my story and what my results are, hopefully this will help women worldwide to make decisions on how to deal with there disease and what helps/cures me. I hope to give you all hope for the future.
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